Matching: It’s a Matter of Opinion

"The shorts"

“The shorts”

No one’s ever accused Yooper Stewart of having too much style. I often remind him to thank God for his good looks, because his fashion sense attracts the wrong kind of attention. Ninety-nine percent of the time it looks like YS grabbed clothes off the floor in the dark and walks out in whatever he happened to grab.

Would you believe me if I told he you picked that outfit on purpose? One of the most surprising things to me about Yooper Stewart is that he actually likes to make sure his clothes match. The problem: he doesn’t understand what “matches.”

A couple of summers ago, YS walked out of the bedroom in a pair of patchwork shorts (the kind with lots of squares of different colors/plaids sewn together). He’d paired it with a green plaid shirt. His reasoning: they’re both plaids, plaids match.

"The Comforter"

“The Comforter”

Two winters ago I tried on an outfit of skinny jeans, nude heels, and a gray sweater with a section of brown/white/tan argile-type patter wrapped around it. He didn’t like it. His reasoning: the nude heels didn’t match any of the colors in the sweater.

Yooper Stewart doesn’t really understand neutrals, so he doesn’t like gray pants with brown sandals (and don’t get him started on the evils of a brown belt and tan boots – brown and tan do not match), but he’ll put together four different camo patterns in one outfit.

His matching obsession doesn’t just affect his wardrobe, though. Our home is also a victim of Yooper Match.

"The Lampshade"

“The Lampshade”

With the recent purchase of a king bed, we’ve made the decision to forgo king sized bedding for dualing twin comforters. We’ve had separate winter covers for a couple of years, and we’re making the full transition this year. Because it’s been so cold here, we haven’t been in a hurry to find new comforters. While at Big Lots, however, Matt noticed a couple of red and gold twin comforters.

“These would totally match our lampshades!”

Seriously? YS wants to buy his bedding based on how well it will match our lampshades? Does he even remember what they look like?

Apparently he does, and apparently exact color matches are as important to our bedroom

Who'd have guessed - it works!

Who’d have guessed – it works!

as they are for his feet and waistline. I still haven’t figured out how his brain processes the matching-code, but I can’t complain about the house. Midgie seems to enjoy it … and at least it’s not camo.

Yooper Stewart and the Door-to-Door Salesman

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Kirby & Yooper Stewart get serious.

Monday evening Yooper Stewart and I sat down to a yummy dinner of baked chicken, carrots, and asparagus. We’d just come back from a jog, so our sweaty, disheveled bodies needed some fuel. As soon as my bottom hit the seat, someone knocked on the door.

Mistake #1: I opened the door.

Mistake #2: I didn’t immediately close the door.

Before I knew it, this strange man was walking toward us carrying two boxes. I looked to YS for guidance. Having already eaten his dinner, he shrugged and sauntered into the living room. Well, fine then. If he didn’t mind, I didn’t mind. I stood in the kitchen eating as the Kirby salesman demonstrated his goods.

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The test drive.

I can’t even imagine what this poor guy thought. Not only has it been longer than I want to admit since I’ve cleaned my house, but Yooper Stewart presents a unique picture on a good day. Post-run, without warning, he’s in red and blue plaid pajama pants (yes, he ran in those) and a BRIGHT yellow shirt (which he eventually covered with a camouflage hoodie). Having just tortured myself with a run, I didn’t look much better (the hair flying out of my ponytail resembled the rings of Saturn).

Despite our appearances, I could see the hamster wheel turning in YS’s head – as long as we had company, he was going to enjoy it. He grabbed himself a beer, then sat down for the demo.

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Yes, the vacuum has the option to be handheld for furniture and stairs, but where’s the fun in that?

I’ve mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: YS is funny. Sleep deprived, slap-happy YS is hysterical. One of SHYS’s (slap-happy Yooper Stewart) best traits is his loose tongue. You can’t shut the man up. Kirby now knows how long we’ve been married, how long we’ve owned the house, why YS wants acreage, how we picked the cats’ names, YS favorite color car, why the Camaro isn’t running, the details of every job YS has ever worked, and, of course, that I don’t vacuum often enough.

If I had to pick a single, favorite moment of the night, however, it would be when YS confessed that he’s the world’s largest eight year-old child. Here’s how it went:

Kirby: Do you have any questions?

YS: This may sound funny, but it’s serious. How does your vacuum handle LEGOs, cuz I’m an AFOL. You know, Adult Fan of LEGO.

Even as I write this, my head shakes involuntarily and I have to fight the urge to face-palm.

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That’s one happy redneck …

Overall, the evening turned out pretty well. The demo went well (though we didn’t buy a vacuum), YS didn’t have to worry about after-dinner entertainment, and I ended up with a great blog post topic. Though I’m generally not a huge fan of last minute plan changes, this one worked out.